The Last Forever

Her expressions became numb.

I could see a lot going on in her mind, I could see it all through her eyes.

She was holding on to it , taking a deep breath at one moment, and then no breathing at all. Though, she knew swimming, she was sinking in the pool of emotions.

Her hand almost slipped from mine.

‘It’s a long time I had been thinking about it. This can’t work !’ She moved away her face. Looking down at her ripped jeans she took a deep breath and continued,

‘ Since I found you , I realized dating was not such a frivolous waste of time. All these endearments sounded so funny to me once upon a time. And now , the words full of exceeding  sentimental touches in movies and books , became of such great importance to me. Even the fairy tales seem true. That feeling ,when you gaze into my eyes  is like a hundred of butterflies , even after a thousand wars they remain beautiful.’

My heart pounded with the slightest thought of what was she going to say.

My moist eyes lit up , she came closer to me. I could sense it all again , the panic of magic . ‘ I like the way your face brightens up when I walk into the room. I like the way you look at me , John . I like the way you caress your hand upon my back when you kiss my forehead. I like the way you make me feel beautiful. I like every feeling I have. They exist because you do.’ , she said earnestly.

The sun from the open window made her hair glow.

My throat caught. My heart was withering. I knew what was next.

I wanted her desperately – more of her , but I knew I couldn’t have it. ‘ I wanted all of it with you. Forever and always. I wanted to wake up and roll up to your chest , my curls on your pillow , kiss your lips and make some beautiful crests on your bed . I wanted my horrible days to end with a peaceful sleep in your arms. I wanted to make love and stay in love with you.’

I touched her hair and tucked a strand behind her ear .

She twitched .

Her eyelashes kissed her eyes. I could sense the pain. Her deep agony flushed on her pink face. The physical silence stayed for long.

Collecting all her broken pieces , she came closer to me , like it was the last time , locked her her hands around my neck , her lips touching mine. My hands sliding down her waist , clinging her more tightly , knotting my hands in her hair , I tried to tell her all that I couldn’t say aloud.

Everything seized for a moment.

It was wonderful in its own way . A memory I knew that would last forever.

Soon did she jolt back to reality , and so did I .

She moved away.

‘ I love you enough for not being anyone else’s . I can’t see that happen.’

She got up on her feet and was walking away.

My breath came too fast.

It hurt more than I thought was possible for me to survive.

I wish I didn’t let her go.